What It's All About, Ruthie?

What's it all about, Honey?
Is it just for the moment we live?
What's it all about when you sort it out, Ruthie?
Are we meant to take more than we give
or are we meant to be kind?
And if only fools are kind, Ruthie,
then I guess it's wise to be cruel.
And if life belongs only to the strong, Ruthie,
what will you lend on an old golden rule?
As sure as I believe there's a heaven above, Ruthie,
I know there's something much more,
something even non-believers can believe in.
I believe in love, Honey.
Without true love we just exist, Honey.
Until you find the love you've missed you're nothing, Honey.
When you walk let your heart lead the way
and you'll find love any day, Honey, Honey. 

While our youngest son was visiting from Boston this past weekend, we spent the afternoon with our wise and loving Aunt Ruth.  With excitement, our son showed his Great Aunt Ruth videos of weddings that occurred at the venue where he will marry this May, one day after his great aunt turns 93.  (Yes, those are Aunt Ruth's laptops.  What did you think?!)  

During wedding show-and-tell, my husband inched his way along Aunt Ruth's "great wall."  As he meandered down her photographic life, Aunt Ruth would look up from the laptop's visual of our family's future to recount a memory from her rich past.  

I picked up my camera to take some snapshots, to freeze a moment that joined our past and present with the promise of a future and found myself humming that Burt Bacharach and Hal David song from 1965, Alfie, and replacing Alfie with Aunt Ruth's name and mine as an anthem for the lessons I have learned from this beautiful woman who always knew "without true love we just exist."  I think I am catching on....

Are you?

Loving Aunt Ruth is Easy

(please click on the image to enlarge)

Valentine's Day is an ideal time to share another page of the forthcoming, Loving Aunt Ruth.  Aunt Ruth has given her unconditional love to so many, and at 92 1/2, as she likes to say, she is still sharing her compassion.  Whenever our time together ends, we hug and say, "Forever."  


My husband and I started a tradition when our children were small of saying "Good night.  I love you," every single night.  Okay, most nights.  With our children grown and living away, the tradition has distilled into the acronym, GNILY, as our way of ending phone calls and visits.  Definitely, a ritual that gets the Aunt Ruth Seal of Love Approval!


Aunt Ruth and I would love to know what you do.  Tell us your love story!  


Happy Valentine's Day....love, honey and Aunt Ruth

"Me Want Cookies," Cookie Monster

Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.  
                Barbara Jordan, the first African-American Woman elected to the House of Representatives                                                                                       

This is another page from the book dummy, and I chose it because, like many of us, Aunt Ruth is busy baking for the holidays.  As I think about this season and Aunt Ruth's way of life, her operating system of goodness and giving comes to mind.  


She cooks to make people happy.  


Imagine that?


Happy Holidays to each and every one of you from Aunt Ruth and Me


(if you would like a cookie recipe from Aunt Ruth, she'll be happy to share.  just leave a request here or directly to honeylazar4@gmail.com)

Let's Make A Deal

For 21 years, those gathered in our home write into a Book of Thanks by answering a question which I pose.  This year, we wrote our wishes in the book, and it prompted the idea of asking Aunt Ruth to make a video about hers.


For all those who love Aunt Ruth and follow this blog, she sends the following wishes: (I couldn't choose which clip to share, so in the spirit of Thanksgiving abundance, I included both of them!)






Aunt Ruth and I send our gratitude to all of those who enjoy the blog and sincerely thank each and every one of you for being a part of "our family."

The Space Between

The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...dave matthews band

My mother, Leah, and her sister were very close.  They built their houses across the street from one another at the end of a dead end road. My sisters and my cousins had a lot of fun deciding where to have dinner!  I was born 6 years after my middle sister and 11 from my eldest, so there was a large space between which we have spent the rest of our lives filling in with time, tears, laughter, support, and love.

My dad died when I was 3, and my mom remarried.  We moved to another city, but Leah and Ruth cared for one another as if there was no space between.  These photos were taken at the last party my mom had before she died.  All the guests posed in front of "little Leah," and I just love the off kilter photo of Aunt Ruth with her sweetie of over 60 years, my Uncle Bob.  Uncle Bob died a year before my mom, 11 years ago.

Aunt Ruth lives life with determination in the face of sadness and loss, and I appreciate that one of the reasons she goes forward  is that she filled all the spaces in her life by loving others through community service, dinner parties, phone calls, and unsolicited acts of kindness.  

I am grateful for the lessons I am learning from Aunt Ruth.  My sister moved away 4 years ago, and because of Aunt Ruth's influence, we filled in our space between to bridge distance with love.  

Thanks, Aunt Ruth for reminding me to "always have love in my life."  Perhaps, you can relate to this lesson in your own life.

my big sister giving me a lift

Somewhere to Run to; Somewhere to Hide

I have been asked what lesson I learned from Aunt Ruth that changed me. 

 "I accept that life isn't easy.  I have my faith, but mostly I have a will to live, and that will comes from loving people."

This post is a reminder that lessons fade.  I forget that life isn't easy, until life reminds me.  I forget about my spirituality or the solace of faith, and then a close friend dies unexpectedly, and I look for guidance.  I find myself hurt, disappointed, or at odds with someone's perspective that differs from my own, and I harken back, time and time again to the importance of loving people.  

Aunt Ruth is my island, my beacon, and my map.  Her 92 years hold recipes filled with ingredients to make life meaningful, sweeter, and acceptable even when it holds illness, arguments, bad news, financial woes, or a dinner party that has me seated next to someone with political views I abhor.

If you have your own Aunt Ruth, I know how lucky you are.

I Could Have, Would Have, Should Have....

Aunt Ruth and I have blogged a lot about the importance of friends...hers!   I haven't mentioned how much getting to know her friends has meant to me.  The women on each side of Aunt Ruth are all in their nineties, and last night, I had the honor of photographing the birthday queen, Jean, as she celebrated her 90th birthday with her family and life-long friends.  


Jean is an accomplished baker, pianist, singer, and all-around pal.  See that smile on her face?  She has it all the time, and it generates a similar response in those who know her.  I would never have crossed her path without picking up my camera to photograph Aunt Ruth, and oh how much I would have missed.


Without a doubt, my life is surely better (and more fattening) from spending time with Aunt Ruth and her welcoming friends, so here's to the 90's, friends, family, and the joy of being behind the lens.


I left the party far sooner than the rest of the dancing guests, but I will never forget the tributes, the tunes, or the collective wisdom on that dance floor.  


I think I will call a friend....